I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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