Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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