I just pynch a tree in the face
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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