I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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