Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
