Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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