Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
are you so shy because you have an std?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
