:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
