So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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