living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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