Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
