I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
