i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
