Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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