areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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