Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
