I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
