You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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