Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
