You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
