You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
