The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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