you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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