My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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