Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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