her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's blow job season.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
