We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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