I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
