I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
