I'm pants shitting drunk right now
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
