Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
