You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Randomize
