Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
