turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
