Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
