Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
