Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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