Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
