She is in my trunk
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
last night I used snow as a chaser
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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