my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
