I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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