MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
