Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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