You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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