all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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