dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
