Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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