I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
