the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
