Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It's shark week go big or go home
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
