drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Randomize
