so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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