Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
